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  • Writer's pictureLiza Klassen

[Boundaries]

Setting healthy boundaries in personal, professional and romantic relationships is one of the most important 'self-care' practices you can do. Boundary types are divide into 3 categories; rigid, porous and healthy - this chart is from PositivePsychology.com, I would encourage you to identify which type of boundary you current tend towards.

Healthy boundaries are clearly advantageous and something I would argue that most of us strive for, so why do we NOT enforce or uphold our healthy boundaries? These are a few of the most common reasons:

  • FEAR of rejection and, ultimately, abandonment.

  • FEAR of confrontation.

  • GUILT.

  • We were not taught or modelled healthy boundaries.

If you identify with any these barriers to establishing healthy boundaries, you're not alone. Take a moment to understand how those factors may influencing the way you interact with others and show up in the world. Knowledge is power! Understanding your behaviour is the first step to changing it.


4 Steps to setting Healthy Boundaries

  1. Identify in which relationships (professional, personal or romantic) that are lacking healthy boundaries

  2. When setting the boundary - say NO simply but firmly in response to something that doesn’t serve you. It doesn’t require an explanation, no is enough! Not overexplaining is a crucial aspect of setting boundaries, as everyone has the right to determine what they do and do not want to

  3. When setting the boundary - keep the focus on YOU. Use language about what you need vs. what you don’t want. For example; I need some quiet time after my work day vs. Don’t talk to me when I’m done work.

  4. It is impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences. This means that when setting boundaries, it is important to explicitly state why they are important. And if a boundary is crossed, make sure that you hold your counterpart accountable.


So why are Healthy Boundaries they so important?

  1. Improves mental and emotional health

  2. Promotes development of a strong personal identity

  3. Positively influences other's behaviour

  4. Helps to develop autonomy and self-efficacy

  5. Avoids burnout


If you feel like you're constantly caught up in other people's emotions, not knowing how to separate your feelings from other's or allowing other's mood to to dictate your level of happiness or sadness - it's time to work on your boundaries.


If you find yourself sacrificing your plans, dreams, and goals in order to please others - it's time to work on your boundaries.


If you have trouble taking responsibility for yourself and often blame others for your problems - it's time to work on your boundaries.


This work is hard. It's uncomfortable. And it's important. It's important on your journey to becoming the vibrant, intuitive, empowered woman you were designed to be!


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